Arrived at clinic this morning at 7am and waited for the embryologist. As suspected my 5 cell embryo arrested and I have nothing to transfer. This marks the end of my journey to have my own child. I always thought that donor would be okay for M and me and I am sure I will be okay with that but I could not prepare for the final word that there just would never be a biological creation with M and me. I wanted our baby. Any help from those out there doing donor and who have done donor. How do you accept that you have a baby but know that it is your spouses and some other woman's? It is hard to wrap my head around it.
Once many years ago we went into one of those photo booths where they morph both of your pictures together to show you what your baby might look like. I have always had that dream and that vision of that picture in my mind. I must now erase that and I mourn the loss of my embryo from cycle one and my embryo from this cycle. It is like a death to me. M said he had named this one Catherine. He is heartbroken she died. We had so much hope for the future..........we are so lost right now. I just don't know how to cope with all of this.
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About Me
- DF
- United States
- Active infertily journey began in August 2007 and while I always thought if God felt I needed a child he would give me one, after 15 years of waiting I think he forgot about me and we decided to give modern science a try even though it may be too late for me I am hopefull. Our prayers were finally answered on 05/14/2010 with a baby girl via donor egg.
2 comments:
So sorry...good luck on your next step. I haven't been there myself, but I do think it takes a lot of soul searching.
Really sorry to hear your news. Have just read through all your posts. I don't think you should give up - just yet. I don't understand why they didn't put your one back on day 3? And I also think yr docs idea of getting lots of day 1 embs frozen - sounds really good. I hope you are feeling a bit better every day.
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