Tick tock, tick tock

And time is going by so slowly.  The 2ww is grueling for most but now having passed that hurdle, I can only tell you it does not get any better.  Once you pass that hurdle then it's the first beta, then 2nd beta etc.  It gets no better.  Actually I am more anxious now than ever because i am so afraid to be happy.   I am just waiting for the bubble to burst and my life will come tumbling down around me.  Why in the f**k can't I just be happy?

I think I am a victim of reading too many blogs.  I can find just as many blogs that tell me from this point everything will be easy peasy from here.  And then I read 10 blogs in a row that at the first US everything goes south.  WTF??  I keep wondering what are the odds everything will be okay vs. fertilihell again.  I am driving myself crazy.  I think I am having a panic attack as I write.

I just wonder when I will believe I might actually be pregnant and be comfortable with telling anyone?  Dh and I have kept the circle tight I suppose to protect ourselves if all goes wrong once again.  I am grateful to have made it this far but I want the golden egg.  Don't we all.

Thanks for listening to the inner thoughts of a crazy ladies true feelings.  Up one moment and down the next.  I know you know what I mean.  It must be the PIO and Vivelle patches.  Can't a girl blame it on the drugs?

1 day, 10 hours, 2 minutes, 23 seconds till Beta #3.  Are you still in there?  I sure hope so.